Title: Grace of You
Author: annaK
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.
Rating: Kid Safe
Classification: S/J, Angst
Spoilers: 'There But For The Grace Of God'

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Grace of You by annaK

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"There but for the grace of you go I"
--Paul Simon

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She finds him in the mess. George said he'd sent the General to get some
sleep, but there'd been no sign of him in his quarters. She stands in the
doorway for a moment, takes the time to simply look. There are dark circles
under his eyes as he squints at what looks like a report. The coffee to his
left looks untouched, the cake on the plate next to it half eaten.

She's seen him in General mode a hundred times, seen the tense line of his
jaw as he barks orders, the way he holds himself tall and proud. And she's
held him at night and offered small comforts when the responsibility seems
too much.

This is the greatest responsibility he's ever faced, and he's hiding from
her. Playing the strong soldier who doesn't need any help. But she wants to
help, wants to hold him and offer those small comforts and share the pain.
Needs to. Needs him.

He must feel her watching because he looks up, eyes immediately falling on
her face. She thinks his shoulders drop a little when he sees her, but she
can't be sure.

"Hey." The greeting's a whisper, something about the empty commissary
demanding silence after the chaos of the last few days. Funny how the
panic's turned to resignation so soon. She never thought it would happen
like this.

"You look like crap."

She smiles a little, blinks back the tears. "So do you."

"Have you slept?" Gentle and concerned and she aches a little more.

"No. Was waiting for you."

They don't sleep together on base, but she thinks tonight they will. It's
the end of the world and there's no need for stupid rules.

"Sam…"

"Please? You need to rest, Jack. You'll be no good to anyone like this."

"I've got work to do."

He turns back to the report, shuts her out. She wants to yell, wants to say
this is probably their last night and, dammit, she needs him to hold her.
Wants to walk over to him and throw herself into his arms, bury her head in
his neck and cry herself to sleep. Wants to feel his hands in her hair and
his lips on her cheek and his arms strong around her. Wants to believe for a
minute that the world isn't ending.

But she just can't do it. It would feel too much like goodbye.

She tells him she's going to her quarters, wipes at her face and turns away,
wraps her arms tight around herself and orders the tears to wait until she's
behind closed doors. A few airmen smile at her as she walks by, and finally
she's sliding her pass through the door and slipping into the darkness
inside. She doesn't turn on the light.

Blindly reaching out, she feels the softness of the comforter and crawls
onto the bed, buries her head in the pillow and lets the tears come.

She doesn't know how much time has passed when she feels the mattress dip
behind her. His hand slides around her waist as he spoons against her, hand
sneaking under her shirt until his palm is firm against her stomach.

"I'm sorry. I'm a jerk."

The words are a breath on the back of her neck, and she's surprised to feel
more tears fighting to the surface. She rolls over to face him, his palm
settling low on her back, legs tangling together. "I know you are."

His eyes crinkle as he smiles, and he places a soft kiss on her lips, the
hand not busy tracing circles on her spine moving up to cup her face and
wipe the tears away.

She offers a watery smile in return.

"Get some sleep, Jack. You've been up for days."

He kisses her again, then guides her head onto his shoulder, wraps his arms
around her and strokes her hair.

She listens to his heartbeat, breathes him in.

It feels too much like goodbye.

**

End


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