Title: Believe
Author: annaK
Disclaimer: MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions own the
characters. No infringement intended.
Rating: PG
Archive: I’d be honored! Just let me know where.
Categories: Angst, Missing-scene, Episode-tag, Sam/Jack, Team
Spoilers: Heroes 1 and 2
Summary: You’re trained to know that it could happen like this. But they
never trained you to believe it.

Endless thanks to my fabulous beta, RowanD.

**
Believe by annaK
**


Many nights we prayed, with no proof anyone could hear,
In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood.
Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear;
We were moving mountains long before we knew we could.

--When You Believe, S Schwartz

**

You always knew it could happen like this. You always knew your luck would
run out.

But you never really believed it.

And even now, throwing yourself towards him, the world around fading out,
hand frantically searching for a pulse, you know you’ll find one. You know
he’ll be okay.

Because you’re trained to know that it could happen like this. But they
never trained you to believe it.

**

Hammond wishes you God’s speed as Chevron five’s encoded. You try to
remember you’re walking into an ambush. You try to mentally prepare. But it
just feels like another mission.

Janet’s talking to Daniel, telling him what she’ll need him to do when they
get to Wells.

You’re doing this to save one of your own. You need to feel the urgency
Janet does because you don’t leave your people behind.

A member of SG7’s standing next to you. You can’t remember his name.

You hate that you don’t think of these soldiers as ‘your people.’ They
matter, they have wives and children, they risk their lives to watch your
back. You’ll risk your life to watch theirs.

But they’re not Daniel. They’re not Teal’c or Janet, and they’re not him.
They’re not your family. Not your ‘people.’

You hate yourself for that feeling.

You hate that the Colonel would hate you for it, too.

Chevron seven locks and you walk up the ramp.

Your mind’s on the mission, on all the backs you have to watch.

But your heart’s only got room for four.

You try to remember it’s an ambush, but Janet’s with Daniel, Teal’c and the
Colonel are at your side, and they’ll all be okay.

That’s all that matters.

You smile at the nameless Major from SG7 and you step through the gate.

You’ll watch his six and you’ll try to care.

It just feels like another mission.

**

The air’s filled with gunfire, the ground exploding in flames.

Someone’s screaming into the radio. The ground shakes. You don’t remember
the last time it was this bad. The last time it felt like war.

You’re back in the Gulf and it’s not just another mission.

You almost believe you might die here.

The Colonel’s ordering you to pull back, the radio crackling as a staff
blast rocks the world. This world, anyway.

Janet’s voice in your ear. “Need more time.”

Dirt and grime, sweat on your back, shells echoing in your head. You
remember this. Remember the adrenaline. Remember the fear.

Even soldier’s get scared.

Your heart’s beating too fast but it’s okay, it’s okay because you can hear
Janet on the radio, and you know Daniel’s with her and they’re safe. You can
see Teal’c behind the boulder, and the Colonels’ barking orders, crouched to
your right.

Janet needs more time.

Fire too close—you can feel the heat—and you need to pull back.

Someone from SG 5’s on the ground. Martins.

You didn’t care. Now you do.

Pumping adrenaline, instinct and training, your finger on the trigger.

Movement to your right—the Colonel’s going to cover Teal’c.

This is war.

And your world explodes.

**

For a moment, you forget to believe. You forget to breathe. You can only
hear your own heartbeat and your own scream. You can only see his face.

And then your hand finds a pulse. And in reality, you always knew you would.

You breathe, you think. Adrenaline and training take control.

The Colonel’s down, you’re in charge, gunfire behind you and another staff
blast—Johnson hits the ground—you remember names now, so many names—“fall
back, fall back!,” screaming into your radio, Teal’c beside you, somehow
providing cover fire and putting a hand on your shoulder at the same time.
Family. Can’t lose your family again.

“He’s alive. We’ve got to get back to the gate.”

A half nod and the Jaffa’s got one hand under the Colonel, the other still
shooting the staff and he’s dragging him along the ground, he’s falling
back, just like you ordered, and you’re yelling into the radio again, “fall
back, fall back! We’ve got to get to the gate. Move!”

Bodies on the ground and soldier’s retreating, blood and dirt on your hands,
gun providing cover fire as the remnants of SG7 run, drag, crawl towards the
tree-line, falling back, falling back, heading for home, and you shower
bullets towards the closest Jaffa and he falls and your radio’s saying
something and you try to hear but the ground’s shaking and the air’s
exploding and you follow your troops—your troops, your people—towards the
trees.

Daniel’s voice in your ear. Screaming.

You throw yourself to the ground to avoid enemy fire and you try to breathe
through the mud.

“Major?!”

“Go!”

You’re following, it’s alright, it’ll be alright.

There’s still screaming in your ear— “I need a medic! Jack? Sam? Janet’s
down. I need a medic!”

Running through the trees, shouting at the SFs to get to the gate, shouting
into your radio that you’re coming, Daniel, you’re coming.

You’re trying to concentrate but there’s too much radio chatter—Teal’c says
he’s at the gate, it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay—and then you can see Daniel
in the clearing. SG5 (what’s left of them—you’re trying to focus, trying so
hard) are already there. There’s a man thrown over someone’s shoulder—Wells,
you guess—and Daniel’s lifting someone off the ground-- Janet-- but it’s
okay ‘cause you’re in control, you’re yelling at them to move and then
you’re running through the trees and the gate’s ahead. A wormhole opens and
you scream into the radio that you’re coming in, you’re coming in and you
have serious casualties--- Oh God-- and you’re coming in hot because
there’s still fire behind you, you can hear the enemy coming, you’re
providing cover fire, a couple of SG3 by your side, someone’s sent the
signal and you can see your people disappearing through the wormhole.

A few last shots and you run to follow.

Daniel’s just ahead of you, nearly at the gate.

Janet’s limp in his arms.

You’re the last through.

The event horizon swallows your scream.

**

You never thought it would happen like this. Bureaucrats attacking as you
lay bleeding. Hearings where you have to defend your actions. Men in suits
who don’t know you, don’t know anything, saying that it’s your fault (or at
least saying you share the blame) that your best friend’s dead.

You never thought it would happen like this.

But later, when the formalities are over, when the memory of Cassie clinging
to you at the funeral has melted into that of the little girl you held in a
bomb shelter a lifetime ago; when your hundredth shower has finally, finally
managed to clean the blood from your hands, you sit in the commissary and
try not to think of how much you and Cassie now have in common. You try not
to think that tomorrow or the day after you’ll be expected in the infirmary
for a post-mission check up that you’re sure you’ll never make.

You try not to think at all.

And then Daniel sits down opposite you, Teal’c to his right, and you smile.

And when the Colonel limps through the door, places a warm hand on your
shoulder as he heads to get food, you let yourself lean into his touch.

It’s just a moment, but it reminds you that maybe this is how you thought
it would be.

Because there’s no new beginning, it will never get easier to handle the
losses, and there are gaps in your heart that will never heal.

But Daniel’s discussing some Goa’uld writings with Teal’c, and he almost
looks like he’s really interested in what he’s saying and not just trying
for ‘normal.’ And then the Colonel’s collapsing in the chair next to you,
and there’s a bowl of blue jello on his tray that he passes your way.

And you smile as he makes a lame joke, and Teal’c raises an eyebrow, and
then Daniel launches back into his conversation.

You watch, you smile, and you let yourself relax.

A week ago, searching for a pulse as the world around you vanished, you’d
forgotten for a moment why you believed. And then, later, you’d stood in his
arms, felt his breath on your neck, his heartbeat strong as you clung to
him. And you knew.

Things go to hell. Your people disappear. It’s hard to stay positive.

There are three people beside you now, and you know that one day there might
not be.

But as your elbow brushes his and the jello dissolves on your tongue, you
realize that, really, that knowledge doesn’t matter. Because there are three
people here, all of them battle-scarred, and all of them smiling.

They’re family. They’re all that matters.

They’re something to believe in.


**
End


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