Title: A Moment in Paradise
Author: annaK
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: SG-1 are all property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret
productions. I’m just borrowing them.
Archive: I’d be honored. Just let me know where.
Categories: Angst, Sam/Jack, Episode-tag for ‘Paradise Lost.’
Spoilers: ‘Paradise Lost.’

Many, many thanks to RowanD for getting me addicted to SG1, for persuading
me to write this, and for the fabulous beta. This one’s for you, hon.

**

A Moment in Paradise by annaK

**


If I had just one tear running down your cheek,
Maybe I could cope, maybe
I'd get some sleep.
If I had just one moment at your expense,
Maybe all my misery,
It would be well spent.

--Cry, Angie Aparo


**

Quiet. It was always so quiet in her house. The night air crept in through
the half open window, the gentle breeze raising the hairs on her bare arms.
She half thought to get up and close it, pull the drapes and shut out
Colorado Springs, then sink back into the comforter and try and sleep. But
the thought was only fleeting.

Tucking her arms under her pillow to ward off the chill, she continued
gazing out the window.

The street was quiet tonight, the only life signs the few cars occasionally
rushing by. The street lamps sent shadows dancing across the swaying trees.
The sight was hypnotizing.

Not so long ago, when she had first moved into this house, she’d found the
quiet almost suffocating. In D.C., the nights were filled with noise.
Traffic never ceased it’s journey through the streets, people never faded to
silence when the witching hour came. The city buzzed, and she had buzzed
with it. She’d missed that feeling when first confronted with the quiet
nights of Colorado.

Six years later and she was thankful for the silence. It allowed her to
focus, stopped her thoughts from running out of control. Here, in this
house, she could think clearly.

And if she tried really hard, she could not think at all.

The breeze fluttered through the drapes, light from the living room blending
with the flimsy material as it swayed towards her half open bedroom door.

A car passed by outside.

Sam settled into the pillow and allowed her eyes to close.

**

Samantha Carter was used to waking up tired. Over a decade in the Air Force
and tiredness became part of the job. Add to that six years of often awaking
on another planet, and it became second nature.

Swallowing a couple of Tylenol (headaches seemed to be becoming a part of
the job, too), she grabbed her keys and headed out of the door.

The morning air was cool against her face, refreshing to her sleep deprived
mind. She wanted nothing more than to be able to ride her bike to work, to
feel the cold air rushing against her as she squeezed down on the
accelerator, to lose herself in the speed and thrill of the trip. But her
bike was still in the garage, the service taking much longer than it should
have, so she had to settle for opening all the windows in her car.

It wasn’t the same, but as she sped towards Cheyenne Mountain, it still felt
good.

The Colonel was always teasing her for speeding. For a man who liked to
pretend he couldn’t remember what she’d said five minutes ago, he had an
uncanny knack for reciting all the occasions she’d been given a ticket.

She found herself smiling at the thought.

She bit back the urge to charge through the red light.

She tightened her grip on the steering wheel.

It had stopped surprising her a long time ago that so many of her thoughts
managed to connect back to something he’d said. Not just him, but the whole
team. They were her family, after all. The people she spent most time with.
The people she’d die for.

It was natural that her mind created links between her life and theirs’.

It was natural that so many of those links hurt.

**Wanting a cup of coffee. Daniel had always secured a pot by the time she
arrived in the commissary. Daniel wasn’t here anymore.**

**Closing her eyes and sinking into the comforter, arms wrapped around her
pillow. But she’d never really gotten to sleep last night. Just dozed on and
off, the warm bulk of the pillow fading in and out, it’s support becoming
that of Teal’c’s chest as he cradled her in the locker room. Waking up
crying with no strong arms to break the fall.**

**Bleary eyed this morning when the alarm clock ordered her to rise, and for
a minute it was still yesterday and she still had to bring him home and she
still had no idea how and it had been too long, too long and--**

Her whole body jumped as the car behind’s horn blared.

The light was green.

Trying to ignore the pounding in her head and the tears that burned in her
throat, she moved the car forwards.

She thought about the naquadah reactor. She thought about work.

She thought about the Colonel’s lame attempt at a joke when she’d told him
she’d missed him.

Her knuckles were white against the wheel as she headed for the SGC.

**

“I do not believe that General Hammond would do such a thing.”

“It was a joke, T. All I meant was Hammond’s being overprotective. I mean,
if he’s gonna order us to hang around here for the next few days, he could
at least give us the week *off.* What the hell am I supposed to do on
base?!”

“I believe he wishes you to remain in the infirmary, O’Neill.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.”

Sighing, Jack continued his perusal of the room. The more time he spent in
the infirmary, the more he felt like he was losing his mind. He had no idea
how the doc handled it, being surrounded by nothing but gray walls and loads
of drawers filled with what looked like torture devices.

On second thought, he figured she probably liked her job too much. Liked
sticking needles in him. Hmm.. maybe Frasier was really serving Anubis or
one of the other pantomime bad guys they always seemed to be pissing off.
Yeah, the doc had a hidden agenda. Maybe that was it.

Grinning to himself at the thought of the base medical staff trading their
white coats for black cloaks, he turned to Teal’c.

The other man continued to stand in the corner of the room, eyes following
O’Neill with what only O’Neill could read as amusement.

Guess he was laughing to himself a little too obviously. Better stop that
before MacKenzie decided he was nuts.

“So, T, apart from making sure I don’t do a runner ‘til the good doc says I
can, what you doing here?”

”I merely wished to see how you were doing, O’Neill.”

“Oh, you know. Little back ache. The knee’s playing up. Leg’s still feeling
like Maybourne tried to blow it up, ‘cause, well, he did. Apart from that,
I’m good. Ready to go kick some Goa’uld ass, that kind of thing. So, wanna
spring me from this joint?”

“I am glad to hear you are doing well, but I believe Doctor Frasier may wish
to examine you further before you engage in any ‘springing.’”

Jaffa humor. Not so many years ago, Teal’c would have wanted to know how a
spring could possible help them leave the infirmary. Now, he simply raised
an eyebrow and tilted his head (okay, so he’d have done that before, too,
but this was his amused head tilt, not his confused one.)

“So…”

“So.”

“Look, T, I know you’re all worried ‘bout what the doc has to say, but
you’re making me nervous here. Isn’t there someone else you should be
staring at? I mean, I’m sure the New Boy could use your help translating
something.”

“I believe Jonas Quinn is assisting SG-6 today.”

The new boy got to be offworld whilst he was stuck here. Great. “Well, what
about Carter? Isn’t there something she could be confusing you with?”

“Major Carter is working in her lab.”

“And you can’t go help her?”

“I do not believe she wishes for me to be present.”

“Oh.” Oh. Teal’c was no longer looking at him but rather seemed fascinated
with the floor. This couldn’t be good.

“You two okay?”

“We are fine, O’Neill. I just believe that she is made uncomfortable by my
presence at the moment.”

“Oh.” It seemed to be all he could say.

Carter uncomfortable around Teal’c? And not in an everyday ‘he’s got a
Goa’uld in his gut’ type way? Jack’s head hurt trying to read between the
lines. There was something here, he knew that much. It was obvious in the
way Teal’c’s lowered gaze moved to once again settle upon him in a
‘meaningful’ way.

**Still too subtle, buddy.**

“Good morning, gentlemen. And how’s the patient today? Still itching to
escape?!”

How was she always so cheerful? Definitely evil. He’d worry about Carter
later. He had Frasier to deal with.

Throwing out a joke or two, and a grimace for good measure, he settled down
to be examined.

It was only when Janet conceded that a short walk around the base to stretch
his legs wouldn’t do any harm that he realized Teal’c had disappeared.

**

She’d been going over the notes on the faulty reactor all morning, and she
still didn’t have a clue how to get the damn thing to work. Running a hand
through her hair, Carter leaned back in the chair. A deep breath and she
closed her eyes, shutting out the glare of the computer screen. Shutting out
her lab. Shutting out the SGC.

Her headache had reached new levels, the pounding against her skull feeling
like someone was firing a staff weapon inside her head.

Stretching her back, stiff from too may hours bent over the keyboard, she
rested her elbows on the desk. Leaning a cheek into the palm of her hand,
she tried to relax.

She wanted to go see Janet. Get some more Tylenol and enjoy the warmth of
her friend’s company.

She wanted to talk to Teal’c, to apologize for being so abrupt this morning
when he had asked if she was okay. It wasn’t his fault she was suddenly so
uneasy about being vulnerable.

She wanted to lose herself in the comfort those two, dear friends always
offered.

But Janet was in the infirmary, and Teal’c had been headed there, too.
Though that had been an hour ago, she knew he wouldn’t leave the Colonel’s
side. They were brothers.

She couldn’t go to the infirmary. She couldn’t risk seeing him.

She was still too raw. She hated herself for the feeling. She hated him for
causing it.

She didn’t hear the man entering her lab.

**

Carter was sitting at her desk, blonde hair in her hand as she cradled her
face. What looked like a report shone from the monitor, the bright light
illuminating her dipped head. She looked like she was asleep.

Standing in the doorway, Jack stared at her. He didn’t want to disturb her,
but he was bored. Teal’c had disappeared off to do whatever it was he did
when they were on base, and Jonas was offworld (not that he would have gone
to see him anyway. He wasn’t *that* bored).

Shuffling his feet, he tried not to look like he’d been staring when she
suddenly turned around.

“Sir! Sorry, I didn’t hear you there.”

Her eyes were wide but red-rimmed, her left cheek red where her hand had
left its mark. She looked exhausted. She looked beautiful.

Clearing his throat, he gave her a lopsided grin. “S’okay, Carter. Frasier
said I could take a walk and I figured I’d come see what you were up to.”

She just nodded in response.

It was the kind of thing he always did. Just show up in her lab. Make a few
jokes, tease her about whatever she was working on; pretend that he only
asked her scientific questions so that he could mock her passionate
response, not so he could watch her eyes twinkle when she got excited about
something unpronounceable.

Normally she smiled when he smiled at her.

She tucked a loose bit of hair behind her ear. The expected smile came. It
didn’t reach her eyes.

Teal’c’s vague comment seemed to echo through the room.

She was looking at him, waiting for him to say something else. The half
smile was gone. Replaced by impatience.

Teal’c’s words grew louder.

Fidgeting to ward off the growing feeling of discomfort, he began picking up
bits and pieces that lay around her lab. A few pencils. A book on something
to do with neural structures. Some papers that seemed to relate to the book.

“You actually understand any of this stuff, Carter?” Back to joking around.
But the stiffness of her movements as she resumed typing was the only
evidence that she was actually aware of his presence.

He empathized with Teal’c. Carter didn’t seem to appreciate his presence,
either.

She didn’t stop working as she spoke. “Actually, sir, I do.”

“Well, guess it’s a good thing one of us does.” He didn’t want to joke
anymore. His tone was softer, searching. **What’s up, Carter?** He just
hoped she could hear him.

“Yes, sir.”

Two word responses. They seemed to be all he was going to get.

Walking over to stand beside her, he leaned against the desk. His hand
rested on her shoulder. Just a gentle presence. Asking if she was okay.

“Carter?”

“I’m fine, sir.” Eye contact for the first time, and he didn’t need to feel
the slight tremble of her shoulder to know she was lying.

**

It had been okay until he touched her. She knew she was being offish, knew
it was unfair. He didn’t know what she’d gone through over the past weeks.
Sure, he’d have read the reports, and judging by the way he’d seemed less
than shocked by the state he’d found her in, Teal’c had said something. But
he didn’t know what she’d gone through.

She wasn’t sure she understood it herself.

She was tired, though. And her head hurt. And she couldn’t forget how he’d
made a joke when she had her heart on her sleeve.

Nonetheless, she’d managed to smile when she said she was fine. She’d
managed to swallow the damn tears that had been threatening all day. She’d
managed to move away from him without it looking like she was running.

He was still staring at her, hand now lying loose at his side. He looked so
lost, so confused.

She loved him for it. She hated him for it.

“Look, Carter, you’re gonna have to throw me a bone, here.” Eyes smiling,
pleading. She was sick of it.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I really have a lot of work to do.” Cold, professional.
She remembered this. Remembered a time when a senior officer looking for an
emotional response from her made her blood boil. Always searching for a
weakness to use against her.

The Colonel was different. He’d respected her vulnerabilities as much as her
strengths from the beginning. He’d taught her to bring her guard down.

But maybe that was just as bad.

“Carter?”

Why did he have to keep pushing?!

“Sir?” She could feel her eyes steel over, could see it in his resulting
reaction.

She was hurting him. She was pushing him away on the one occasion he was
really trying to help, not just joke a smile onto her face.

It felt good.

The anger was running through her veins now. She wasn’t even sure where it
had come from. She didn’t care.

Walking towards her desk, she stopped to indicate he should move out of the
way.

He didn’t.

A hand on her wrist as she tried to move past and she whirled around.

She wanted to slap him. A decade of military training reined in the urge.

“Sir?” Through gritted teeth, the word was more of a demand than a question.
Tearing her gaze from his face, she glared at the hand still holding her
wrist.

“Look, Carter, maybe I’m dense, but I haven’t got a clue what’s going on
here. But something’s up, and when there’s something wrong with a member of
my team, I expect to be given the opportunity to try to remedy the problem.”

She hated that she’d heard that line so many times.

She just continued glaring.

“Fine.” He released her hand. She moved it to rest on her hip. She could
still feel his fingers on her skin. “Look, I’m gonna head back to the
infirmary before Frasier sends out the troops.”

Headed towards the door, he stopped to run a hand across his face. “Just…
just stay here, okay? I’ll send Frasier down. You two can have a girly chat
or whatever it is you do.”

His words were tired, strained. He turned to leave the lab.

“That’s it?!”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Shoulders slumped, he turned to face her. “I don’t know what you want from
me, Carter.” There was resignation in his voice.

“Of course you don’t. Colonel O’Neill, Mr. Sensitive.”

He looked like she *had* slapped him. He straightened his stance, voice
becoming harder, stronger; military.

“You are way out of line, Major.”

“Screw you!”

She couldn’t stop. She honest to God couldn’t stop.

“That’s screw you, *sir*, and you’re crossing a line here, Carter.” His
voice was harsh, his meaning clear. But he still didn’t raise his voice.
Still wouldn’t react.

The mug landed in a million pieces as she hurled it at the wall.

She could feel him staring at her.

She could feel the fight slipping away.

She could feel the first sob forming in her gut.

And then he was there, just like before with a warm hand on her shoulder and
a look of utter confusion on his face. And the tears were coming and she was
turning towards him, clinging to him, her face buried in his neck as he
cradled her, one hand rubbing the back of her neck as she cried for the past
few weeks, cried for the emptiness she’d felt when she’d had no idea how to
bring him home, cried for the knowledge that he was here in her arms and
she’d have to let go.

He was whispering something, asking what was happening, what was wrong, his
grip never lessening as he tried to absorb as much of her hurt as possible.
And all she could manage was a few muttered words as she fought for breath
and held on tighter.

**

**Carter.**

Warm and soft, her slender form molded to his, and all he could do was hold
her and try to remember to breathe.

He could feel her relaxing into his embrace, the tears gradually ceasing as
she sniffed quietly in his arms. It broke his heart.

He loosened his grip when she started to speak, one hand rubbing up and down
her back, the other loosely cradling her head, fingers still tangled in her
hair.

He could feel her breath on his neck.

Eyes closing and then opening in a slow blink, she moved her hands from
their place on his back to rest against his chest.

His hand settled on her arm as he released her.

“I’m sorry.”

The words were whispered, her gaze catching his for a moment before coming
to rest somewhere south of his chin. A hand on her shoulder, then the side
of her face. Moving gently, soothing her, grounding her. No more than a few
inches between them, but the space was there all the same.

“For yelling at me or for soaking my shirt?” Gentle, teasing.

“Both.” She was smiling. “Sir, what I said—“

“Carter.”

“I know, I know. I just… none of that should have been aimed at you.”

“Someone else pissed you off? Ooh, if it was Jonas, I’ll be more than happy
to volunteer to kick his ass... Not that you’re not capable of ass kicking
yourself. You’re a fine ass kicker. The best.”

She was laughing now, and he glimpsed a real smile as she buried her face in
his chest. Just a moment’s contact, but he could feel the giggles die before
he heard her speak.

“Seriously, sir, what I said… I was just lashing out.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s been a bad few weeks…”

“Yeah.” His forehead came to rest on hers, bridging the gap, searching for
eye contact and finding tear streaked cheeks and blinding blue eyes.

“… And I just… yesterday, when we got you back… it was just… when I told
you… when I told you I was pleased to have you back… you didn’t… and this
year… after everything with Daniel I just… I can’t lose you too… and I hate
how scared I am… God, I’m such a girl!”

He could feel her gentle laughter. She’d learned that from him. Humor equals
self-preservation.

He pulled her back into his arms, buried his head in her hair.

He felt like he’d been kicked in the gut.

“Carter.” It was all he could say.

“There you--“

Frasier.

Carter was moving away from him before the interruption fully registered.

“Hey, Janet.”

A smile and a sniff. She didn’t care that her friend knew she’d been crying.
Always so open. So strong but so vulnerable. She amazed him.

“Hey, Sam.”

The two women were having some kind of silent conversation.

He was still standing by the desk.

“I’ll see you in the infirmary in five minutes, Colonel. Doctor’s orders.”

He wasn’t sure what he’d said in reply, but whatever it was, it made the doc
smile.

“Well, I, uh, I guess I better go. You know what Frasier’s like if there’s
no one there to stick needles in.”

A warm smile and she met his gaze. “Yes, sir.”

“’Kay, well, I’ll…”

“Colonel?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

A single nod and he left.

The tightness in his chest was just the result of getting bashed up by
Maybourne.

Yeah. That was all it was.

**

End


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